Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
someone threw a dead crab at me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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