Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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