And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
