Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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