i just wanna soil my oats bro
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
