Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
