I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize