so explain again why im purple
no
I want to have your abortion
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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