Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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