he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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