a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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