DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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