Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
