barbara walters just said penis...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We're too hungover to prance.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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