I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
