i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
