Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize