youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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