he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
