Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so that wasnt chicken after all
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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