I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
