I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
