Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
