I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
