It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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