Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
