why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
