They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
