My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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