it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The cops high fived after they tackled you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize