I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
