I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
