Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
