Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
