Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
