She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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