Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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