do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
