She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
being pregnant is like rehab
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
