Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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