Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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