just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
