omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
