I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
