I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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