Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You've changed since you got that strap on
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
