Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
