It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
