Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
