I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
