when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I want is dick and wine.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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