So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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