It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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