someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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