lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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