chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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