God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
