Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
