Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize