not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sex in a hospital.. check
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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