She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
