I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
