i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
