I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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