just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
