I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
