Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
