i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
