Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
