remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
