walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
