but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
