he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize