Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
