oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
