I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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