i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
then he tried to convert me to islam
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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