If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
