have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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