She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
