shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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