Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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