In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize