That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
