your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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