unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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