3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
