Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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