my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
