Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
