your room smells of hookers.
And success
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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