Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
