some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Randomize
