the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
