No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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