thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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