Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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