he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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