This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
