So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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