He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i think my cat just said my name.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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