I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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