I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
