Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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