yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
