If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
