omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
