dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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