What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
