Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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