I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
