I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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