Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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