i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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